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A Great Lesson on Socialism April 20, 2009

Posted by Mongo in Politics.
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I received this from a friend via email, and though there is no specific date posted (or true verification), over the past month it seems to have become a popular posting on many other blogs and various media sources.  The explanation doesn’t get much more simple than this . . .

An economics professor at Texas Tech said he had never failed a single student before but had, once, failed an entire class. The class had insisted that socialism worked and that no one would be poor and no one would be rich, a great equalizer. The professor then said ok, we will have an experiment in this class on socialism.

All grades would be averaged and everyone would receive the same grade so no one would fail and no one would receive an A.

After the first test the grades were averaged and everyone got a B. The students who studied hard were upset and the students who studied little were happy. But, as the second test rolled around, the students who studied little had studied even less and the ones who studied hard decided they wanted a free ride too, so they studied little.

The second test average was a D. No one was happy.

When the third test rolled around, the average was an F.

The scores never increased as bickering, blame, and name calling all resulted in hard feelings and no one would study for anyone else.

To their great surprise, all failed. The professor told them that socialism would ultimately fail because the harder it is to succeed the greater the reward, but when a government takes all the reward away, no one will try and no one will succeed.

The Death of White Guilt January 20, 2009

Posted by Mongo in Politics.
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With the inauguration now behind us, perhaps there is something else that can be put behind us as well!  NOW, in the event anybody reading this wants to scream at ME, get a grip and understand that I’m simply passing along what I find to be a very interesting article that was written shortly after the November elections.  Sadly another unoriginal blog posting from me, but being that I haven’t been updating my website much lately it’s at least a welcome change from the old “Thanksgiving” posting.  This is written by Tom Adkins, who is the publisher & founder of CommonConservative.com and is often picked up via wire services in most major newspapers (see the end of the article for more info about Tom).

The Death of White Guilt

By Tom Adkins
Nov. 9, 2008

Look at my fellow conservatives! There they go, glumly shuffling along, depressed by the election aftermath. Not me. I’m virtually euphoric. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not thrilled with America ’s flirtation with neo socialism. But there’s a massive silver lining in those magical clouds that lofted Barak Obama to the Presidency. For today, without a shred of intellectually legitimate opposition, I can loudly proclaim to America : The Era of White Guilt is over.

This seemingly impossible event occurred because the vast majority of white Americans didn’t give a fluff about skin color, and enthusiastically pulled the voting lever for a black man. Not just any black man. A very liberal black man who spent his early career race-hustling banks, praying in a racist church for 20 years, and actively worked with America-hating domestic terrorists. Wow! Some resume! Yet they made Barak Obama their leader. Therefore, as of Nov 4th, 2008, white guilt is dead.

For over a century, the millstone of white guilt hung around our necks, retribution for slave-owning predecessors. In the 60s, American liberals began yanking that millstone while sticking a fork in the eye of black Americans, exacerbating the racial divide to extort a socialist solution. But if a black man can become President, exactly what significant barrier is left? The election of Barak Obama absolutely destroys the entire validation of liberal white guilt. The dragon is hereby slain.

So today, I’m feeling a little “uppity,” if you will. From this day forward, my tolerance level for having my skin color hustled is now exactly ZERO. And it’s time to clean house. No more Reverend Wright’s “God Damn America ,” Al Sharpton’s Church of Perpetual Victimization , or Jesse Jackson’s rainbow racism. Cornell West? You’re a fraud. Go home. All those “black studies” programs that taught kids to hate whitey? You must now thank Whitey. And I want that on the final.

Congressional Black Caucus? Irrelevant. Maxine Waters? Shut up. ACORN? Outlawed. Black Panthers? Go home and pet your kitty. Black separatists? Find another nation that offers better dreams. Go ahead. I’m waiting.

Gangsta rappers? Start praising America . Begin with the Pledge of Allegiance. And please…no more ebonics. Speak English, and who knows where you might end up? Oh, yeah…pull up your pants. Your underwear is showing. You look stupid.

To those Eurosnots who forged entire careers hating America ? I’m still waiting for the first black French President.

And let me offer an equal opportunity whupping. I’ve always despised lazy white people. Now, I can talk smack about lazy black people. You’re poor because you quit school, did drugs, had three kids with three different fathers, and refuse to work. So when you plop your Colt 45-swilling, Oprah watchin’ butt on the couch and complain “Da Man is keepin’ me down,” allow me to inform you: Da Man is now black. You have no excuses.

No more quotas No more handouts. No more stealing my money because someone’s great-great-great-great grandparents suffered actual pain and misery at the hands of people I have no relation to, and personally revile.

It’s time to toss that massive, obsolete race-hustle machine upon the heap of the other stupid 60s ideas. Drag it over there, by wife swapping, next to dope-smoking Plenty of room right between free love and cop-killing. Careful…don’t trip on streaking. There ya go, don’t be gentle. Just dump it. Wash your hands. It’s filthy.

In fact, Obama’s ascension created a gargantuan irony. How can you sell class envy and American unfairness when you and your black wife went to Ivy League schools, got high-paying jobs, became millionaires, bought a mansion, and got elected President? How unfair is that??? Now, Like a delicious O’Henry tale, Obama’s spread-the-wealth campaign rendered itself moot by it’s own victory!  America is officially a meritocracy. Obama’s election has validated American conservatism!

So, listen carefully . . . Wham!!!
That’s the sound of my foot kicking the door shut on the era of white guilt. The rites have been muttered, the carcass lowered, dirt shoveled, and tombstone erected. White guilt is dead and buried.

However, despite my glee, there’s apparently one small, rabid bastion of American racism remaining. Black Americans voted 96% for Barak Obama. Hmmm. In a color-blind world, shouldn’t that be 50-50? Tonight, every black person should ask forgiveness for their apparent racism and prejudice towards white people. Maybe it’s time to start spreading the guilt around.

About the author:
Tom Adkins is the publisher & founder of CommonConservative.com.  Known for biting wit, Tom has left people laughing, crying, angry, but always thinking about the issues. Beneath Tom’s ironic style, lies deep theoretical detail. It is not uncommon for readers to finish a Tom Adkins piece saying, “This is what I wanted to say, but I didn’t know how to say it.” Until they read it!  Tom has been published in the Philadelphia Inquirer, the Washington Times, City Paper, Insight, The Hill, and often picked up via wire services in most major newspapers. He’s also appeared on ABC’s “Politically Incorrect”, Fox “New’s Beyond the News”, “Hannity & Colmes”, CN8’s “It’s Your Call” and numerous other shows.


What not to be thankful for on Thanksgiving November 27, 2008

Posted by Mongo in Sports.
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I am borrowing this Thanksgiving “wish list” (if that’s what you call it) from a Chicago Tribune article by Rick Morrissey; it’s from the Sports section and weighs a bit heavier on the Chicago teams.  Enjoy, and have a very Happy Thanksgiving!


What not to be thankful for on Thanksgiving

Rick Morrissey / In the wake of the news
November 26, 2008

It’s the day before Thanksgiving, and all through the house … oh, wait. Wrong holiday.

It’s the day before Thanksgiving, and I would like to take this opportunity to say I’m thankful for sunrises, barefoot strolls on the beach … oh, wait. Wrong columnist.

It’s the day before Thanksgiving, and there are things I’m not thankful for, including the stupid rule about not ending a sentence with a preposition. There. Right holiday, right grumpy columnist.

I know this approach is going to come across as really, really ungrateful, seeing as how this is the time of year when we reflect on all the good things in our lives. But I would like to point out that I didn’t ask for, say, the Detroit Lions. They were thrust upon me.

I suppose I could be more positive and say I’m thankful for the New York Giants’ excellence, but the truth is that I’m more not thankful for the Lions’ wretchedness.

I’m willing to acknowledge that this could be considered a character flaw.

What I’m not thankful for:

• Any combination of the Cubs, the month of October and a priest sprinkling holy water.

• The idea that someday, Joe Paterno’s glasses will be back in style. And that I might be wearing them.

• Middle-age men donning Devin Hester jerseys for Bears games. To borrow from WBBM radio announcer Jeff Joniak, you … look … ridiculous.

• Hester at wide receiver.

• The New York attitude that, of course, LeBron James will want to come to the Big Apple to play for the Knicks when he becomes a free agent in 2010. Because who in his right mind wouldn’t?

• The evolution of human speech, and, thus, Stephen A. Smith and Jim Rome.

• The daily John Daly crisis.

• Man hugs.

• The people at Notre Dame who thought a 10-year contract extension for Charlie Weis was a good idea.

• The people who think another year of Weis is a good idea.

• NFL referees who turn on their microphones and say, “There was no foul on the play.” Really? Because I could have sworn I saw three yellow flags on the ground a second ago.

• The thought of Michael Vick coming back to the NFL and lining up in the “Wildcat” formation. Wouldn’t that launch a protest or two from feline-rights groups?

• Kosuke Fukudome’s swing.

• Joakim Noah’s shooting form.

• When basketball announcers gush about a player’s ability to “score the ball.” What else is he going to score except the ball? A gym shoe? Some weed for after the game? The theme song for the next Bond movie?

• Soccer fans who insist on calling the sport football. No. Just no.

• A Buick spokesman saying the company was ending its relationship with Tiger Woods to save money and to allow the superstar to spend more time with his family. Wow, a corporation with a heart.

• Mark Cuban’s stock-market tips.

• Alfonso Soriano in the leadoff spot.

• The fact Marion Jones’ autobiography still can be found in the nonfiction section of your local library. In it, using oversized, red, capital letters, she wrote that she never had used performance-enhancing drugs.

• How Marc Colombo discovered the key to staying healthy in Dallas, not Chicago.

• Pacman Jones’ insistence on remaining in our lives.

• “Dancing with the Stars.”

• ” American Idol,” while we’re at it.

• Sideline reporters.

• Red-light cameras at intersections. I can’t tell you how not thankful I am for those.

• Any kicker who makes an extra point and pats his offensive linemen on the helmet for a job well done. It’s like watching a batboy with 5 o’clock shadow high-fiving ballplayers.

• Punters who kick the ball into the end zone rather than into the red zone.

• Ah, the heck with it: Kickers as a whole.

• Media types who don’t really ask questions. These are the people who hold a tape recorder or a microphone in front of athletes and say something like, “Tough loss out there today. You really couldn’t move the ball.”

• Athletes who fail to respond, “Is there a question you’d like to ask?”

• Nick Swisher’s act.

• Kerry Wood’s departure.

• The whole Alex Rodriguez- Madonna thing.

• NBC. Michael Phelps could be handing out Christmas presents to disadvantaged youth, and I’d reflexively look for a TV shot showing his mom’s reaction in the stands.

• Athletes who use the same letter of the alphabet to name their children—i.e., Kyle, Kayla, Kris and Korky. Not sure why either.

• My tendency to give of myself until it hurts. Isn’t that right, Babs, Billy and Brutus?

Sorry to bother you Mr. Obama, Sir . . . November 11, 2008

Posted by Mongo in Politics.

I’ve just about finished my “congratulations” letter to our new Comrade-In-Chief…but in the meantime here’s some other questions to ponder…


Excuse me Mr. Obama, I mean Senator Obama, sir. Um . . know you are busy and important and stuff. I mean running for president is very important and . . . ah . . . I hate to bother you. I will only take a minute ok, sir?

See, I have these missing pieces that are holding me up, and I was wondering sir, if you could take time out of your busy schedule and help me out. You know, no big deal, just some loose ends and things.

I can’t seem to get some information I need to wrap this up. These things seem to either be ‘locked’ or ‘not available’. I’m sure it’s just some oversight or glitch or something, so if you could you tell me where these things are . . I . . I . . . have them written down here somewhere . . . oh wait. Sorry about the smears. It was raining out. I’ll just read it to you.

Could you help me please find these things, sir?

1. Occidental College records — Not released
2. Columbia College records — Not released
3. Columbia Thesis paper — not available, locked down by faculty
4. Harvard College records — Not released, locked down by faculty
5. Selective Service Registration — Not released
6. Medical records — Not released
7. Illinois State Senate schedule — ‘not available’
8. Law practice client list — Not released
9. Certified Copy of original Birth certificate – – Not released
10. Embossed, signed paper Certification of Live Birth — Not released
11. Harvard Law Review articles published — None
12. University of Chicago scholarly articles — None
13. Your Record of baptism– Not released or ‘not available’
14. Your Illinois State Senate records–‘not available’

…You couldn’t get a job at McDonalds and become district manager after 143 days of experience.

…You couldn’t become chief of surgery after 143 days of experience of being a surgeon.

…You couldn’t get a job as a teacher and be the superintendent after 143 days of experience.

…You couldn’t join the military and become a colonel after 143 days of experience.

…You couldn’t get a job as a reporter and become the nightly news anchor after 143 days of experience.


From the time Barack Obama was sworn in as a United State Senator, to the time he announced he was forming a Presidential exploratory committee, he logged 143 days of experience in the Senate. That’s how many days the Senate was actually in session and working.  After 143 days of work experience, Obama believed he was ready to be Commander In Chief, Leader of the Free World …. 143 days.

We all have to start somewhere. The senate is a good start, but after 143 days, that’s all it is – a  start.

AND, strangely, a large sector of the American public is okay with this and campaigning for him. We wouldn’t accept this in our own line of work, yet some are okay with this for the President of the United States of America???  Come on folks, we are not voting for the next American Idol!

November 4th is here, and I missed my planned writeup… November 4, 2008

Posted by Mongo in Politics.
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I had hoped to have a new posting up by now, but due to a busy weekend, other efforts to the election cause and probably a bit too much beer while watching football, it’s been permanently delayed.  I would like to leave you with a brief writeup I received from a friend early this morning via Facebook…in not a lot of words she explains why she voted the way she did.  An excellent summary!

“I voted against higher taxes for those making over 250, oh, I mean 200, oh, I mean 150, oh, I mean 97, oh wait, I mean 42, against redistribution of wealth, against smearing those who ask questions, against the followers of the mainstream media, against Ayers, Wright, Flager, Davis, Rezko, Alinsky, Hollywood, against the waving the white flag, I voted for drilling, for keeping the coal industry alive, for nuclear power, for lower taxes, for smaller government, for keeping babies who survive abortions alive, I voted as an informed leader and not a misguided follower. I voted for the one who has experience, whose voted with his party 75% of the time, not the one whose voted with his party 97% of the time. I voted for true Change not delusional change. I voted for M-C-C-A-I-N because he’s the only one whose taken a hit for my country! We’ve already warned our employees that some may loose their jobs should The One who wants to fine businesses to pay for nationalized health care be elected.”

Thanks to Susan H. for the above!

Time to get a bit more political… October 6, 2008

Posted by Mongo in Politics.
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I should be clear that no personal offense is meant to friends, family or anyone in particular in this writeup. I just happen to share the same observations and opinions of millions upon millions of smart Americans who are hoping for better lives, a better economy and a better country, but don’t want to see the WRONG type of change take over the White House.

The common adage is to avoid discussing religion and politics unless you want to cause trouble. I completely agree, but usually manage to find myself unnecessarily stirring it up at times – which is funny as I don’t necessarily consider myself a very political person (or religious for that matter). However, there comes a time when some things really need to be said. Admittedly I felt that the Republicans sort of shot themselves in the foot with the latest regime, and that their well-documented faults would open the door for a potentially more liberal, Democrat-run country. However, I’m consistently amazed at the some of the blatant ignorance and somewhat blind faith that many Democrats have embraced with an unqualified candidate during this election year. Some are people I know pretty well, who are all educated and generally well-off financially. Mind-boggling at times to be sure, but in a way understandable as the Bush years haven’t exactly helped the GOP. Still, when you dig into the facts and qualifications, making the Socialist/Dem choice is confusing as it really doesn’t seem to be the right choice for our country.

When listening to Barack Obama talk about “change” and pretty much blame the Republicans for all of society’s ills, you have to wonder if he’s really taken a good, hard look into the mirror that reflects himself and the many illusions within the Democratic party. I’ll share with you a few links and tidbits of information that really should not and can not be ignored:

First of all, take a look at this video titled “Burning Down The House: What Caused Our Economic Crisis?”

It is an informative look at factors that are causing our current financial and economic crisis, dating back 13 years ago. Seems that many Democrats are quick to blame the other side for all these woes without considering some of the underlying facts that have led to this demise. Outside of a 911 catastrophe, these things just don’t happen overnight.

Perhaps you find the above video too partisan? Well, feel free to watch this one, and the title speaks for itself:

“Shocking Video Unearthed Democrats in their own words Covering up the Fannie Mae, Freddie Mac Scam that caused our Economic Crisis”

Is is not just these videos that should determine who is qualified to run our country, but to deny the facts that are reported is truly a scary-ignorant thing to do.

Here’s a few other interesting stats . . . yes, you must agree that change indeed is needed . . .

10 Poorest Cities in the USA
What do these top ten cities with the highest poverty rate all have in common?

– Detroit, MI (1st on the poverty rate list) hasn’t elected a Republican mayor since 1961;
– Buffalo, NY (2nd) hasn’t elected one since 1954;
– Cincinnati, OH (3rd)…since 1984;
– Cleveland, OH (4th)…since 1989;
– Miami, FL (5th) has never had a Republican mayor;
– St. Louis, MO (6th)….since 1949;
– El Paso, TX (7th) has never had a Republican mayor;
– Milwaukee, WI (8th)…since 1908;
– Philadephia, PA (9th)…since 1952;
– Newark, NJ (10th) … since 1907.

Einstein once said, “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, and expecting different results.” It is the disadvantaged who eagerly elect Democrats, yet are still disadvantaged….

In closing, I’ll leave you with a bit on the Illinois Democrats, which of course includes Obama:

– In the last six months 292 have been murdered in Chicago.

– The state pension fund is $44 Billion in debt, worst in country.

– Cook County (Chicago) sales tax is 10.25%, highest in country.

– The Chicago school system one of the worst in country.

– Senators Barack Obama & Dick Durbin, Rep. Jesse Jackson Jr., Gov. Rod Blogojevich, House Speaker Mike Madigan, Atty. Gen. Lisa Madigan & Mayor Richard Daley are the Democratic leadership in Illinois . . . and all Democrats are, of course, blaming each other. They can’t blame Republicans since there aren’t any!

This is the political culture that Obama comes from in Illinois….and he’s “gonna fix Washington politics”? Please. Hey, don’t take my word for it, just listen to what his VP running mate, Joe Biden, had to say about Obama earlier this year…while he also endorses McCain. All the explanations in the world can’t help them get around this fact…

How Palin Changed the Game September 17, 2008

Posted by Mongo in Politics.
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This is an unoriginal post I am borrowing from CNN – giving full credit:
It was about time I added something new to this blog and this was interesting enough to include here.  What a wise man!


How Palin changed the game

By Ed Rollins
CNN Contributor
September 15, 2008

It seems like just yesterday when Sen. Barack Obama impressed our troops in Kuwait by shooting his flawless three-pointer into the basket without hitting the rim. 

Two days later, he spoke to 200,000 Berliners. It looked like he could do no wrong and the campaign was only a formality on his way to inauguration day. 

But it wasn’t yesterday. It was the third week in July, and that’s a lifetime ago in presidential politics. 

Obama looked unbeatable then. He looked unbeatable the night of his acceptance speech before 85,000 cheering supporters. If victory went to the guy who could make the best speech or could win the schoolyard basketball game of “horse,” he was thought to be unstoppable. 

Then his world stopped with Sen. John McCain’s shocking selection of Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin for the vice presidential nomination. And over the last two weeks, the governor of Alaska has deflected the arc of Obama’s campaign. She can match his pretty words. The outdoor game has changed from “horse” to “moose,” and only one candidate in this race has shot “moose.” 

Obama’s campaign diminished itself by challenging her experience. The candidate who ranked 99th in Senate seniority, with one of the thinnest resumes ever when he began his presidential quest, looked foolish challenging a governor who made decisions every day while he was missing votes in the Senate running for president. 

The good news for Obama is the Europeans still want him to be our president. Unfortunately for him they don’t vote here, and the independent voters who do are shifting to McCain-Palin. 

The other good news for Obama is that this race is far from over. But he is not going to win by telling voters McCain is too old and doesn’t know how to use the Internet. Many of McCain’s supporters are old and could care less about the Internet. 

What the country wants to know is do these candidates understand what’s going on in their lives and in their neighbors’ lives, and are they willing to try and fix it. 

They want to get our soldiers home from Iraq as quickly as possible and leave that country as stable as it can be without us being there for another decade. They want someone who understands ordinary Americans are hurting and will try to find solutions to the economic mess we are in.

The leading “mainstream media” including ABC’s condescending Charlie Gibson and The New York Times’ Maureen Dowd have raced “North to Alaska” to find out what makes this woman tick. But alas, they show again and again that they just don’t get it. 

Nobody cares if Palin knows the Bush doctrine. I defy anyone to tell you what the Bush-Cheney strategy has been over the last seven years (other than getting re-elected) or what doctrine has been practiced by this “gang that can’t shoot straight.” And who cares? They are gone in 126 days. 

What the media doesn’t get is that Palin is one of us. She got to the top of the heap because she could relate to ordinary people, because she is ordinary people and through extraordinary efforts made it. 

She’s got kids; she worked her way through college (state college like most of us). Her husband is a working stiff. 

She started at the bottom and worked her way to the top by being better, not prettier. She did her job at the top by being smarter and tougher than the good old boys who stood in her way. 

One thing we do know is Palin is not going to look into the eyes of her neighbor across the Bering Sea and say Vladimir Putin’s an honest man. 

What she’s going to see is a fearless adversary who we need to be wary of. Equally important, if she is elected, she’s not going to be one of the boys in D.C. Behind her charm is a certain toughness. And that’s a good thing. 

The charisma of Palin was even evident on “Saturday Night Live” this weekend. There in the opening skit was Sarah Palin (played by her wonderful look-alike Tina Fey) opposite Hillary Clinton (played by “SNL” regular Amy Poehler). 

Even though it was a spoof, Palin stood out. Besides anyone who brings Fey back to “SNL” does the country and the show a big favor. 

Palin has certainly energized McCain’s campaign and drawn record crowds to boot. What Democrats didn’t realize is that Palin was not about getting Hillary’s voters. It was about energizing the base and getting independent voters. She has done that in spades. 

Both Obama and Palin have compelling stories and are great talents. In the end, the margin of victory may be the voters who say I like him, or I trust her. 

Of course, the big choice is McCain or Obama. But this is one race where the “veep” choice may really matter. The rise of Palin certainly has made this the most exciting presidential race in my lifetime. And I am one of those old guys who thought he had seen it all. 

After the marathon of the primaries, we are down to a 100-yard dash, and McCain’s got a 2-yard lead with Obama close on his tail. There’s a lot ahead before the finish line.

Go USA! USA!! USA!!! August 16, 2008

Posted by Mongo in Uncategorized.
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Does everyone have “Olympic Fever?”  It’s been an amazing series of games so far, led by Michael Phelps and his seven gold medals (as of last night), hunting for the all-time record later today.  The basketball teams finally look unbeatable again this year, the women’s gymnasts have done an excellent job, and let’s of course not forget about the dynamic due of May-Treanor & Walsh as the most dominant 2-person volleyball team EVER.   There are plenty of others to list but suffice to say we are truly loaded with outstanding athletes. As usual our great country is stocking up on the medals but China has made a pretty good run.  China?  Yeah, believe it as far as you can throw it . . . for God’s sake, they even cheated on the opening ceremonies!  Whatever, it’s been fun so far and there’s still a week to go.  I’ve always been proud to be an American, but it’s times like these that make it even more special.  GO USA!!!

A funny take on Favre August 16, 2008

Posted by Mongo in Football.
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Thought I’d share a pic on the constantly retiring-but-coming-back QB, the great Brett Favre.  I’ve pretty much hated the Packers since I started following pro football, but have a deep appreciation and respect for this future hall-of-famer.  However, the crazy shit that happened over the past couple months probably tarnished his personal image, and I actually felt a bit bad for the Packers organization getting into a no-win situation.  Actually I felt bad for about five minutes.  Anyway, enjoy the following submitted by a friend:

The Drama Queen, and NY Jet - Brett Favre

The Drama Queen, and NY Jet - Brett Favre

A Winning Presidential Speech July 2, 2008

Posted by Mongo in Uncategorized.
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Happy Birthday USA, and to celebrate I’m giving everyone a George Carlin-like rant from the President!  Well, not exactly – the following is an e-mail I received, prefaced by “I sure would like to know who wrote this and why he/she isn’t running for President!”  Yes, it’s clearly isolationist, but very funny in a scary-reality sort of way.  OK, I’m not saying that I fully agree with everything in this “speech” but admittedly it probably hits very close to home for the majority of Americans tired of all the B.S.

My Fellow Americans . . . as you all know, the defeat of the Iraq regime has been completed. Since congress does not want to spend any more money on this war, our mission in Iraq is complete.  This morning I gave the order for a complete removal of all American forces from Iraq.  This action will be complete within 30 days. It is now time to begin the reckoning.

Before me, I have two lists. One list contains the names of countries which have stood by our side during the Iraq conflict. This list is short:  The United Kingdom , Spain , Bulgaria , Australia  and Poland are some of the few countries listed there.  The other list contains every one not on the first list.  Note that most of the world’s nations are on that list. My press secretary will be distributing copies of both lists later this evening.

Let me start by saying that effective immediately, foreign aid to those nations on list #2 ceases immediately and indefinitely.  The money saved during the first year alone will pretty much pay for the costs of the Iraqi war.  Then, every year thereafter that money will be applied to our social security system to keep it from going broke twenty years from now.

The American people are no longer going to pour money into third world hell holes and watch those government leaders grow fat on corruption.  Need help with a famine or natural catastrophe? Wrestling with an epidemic?  Call France.

In the future, together with Congress, I will work to redirect this money toward solving the vexing social problems we still have at home.  On that note, a word to terrorist organizations: screw with us and we will hunt you down and eliminate not only you but all of your friends from the face of the earth.  Thirsting for a gutsy country to terrorize? Try France or maybe China.

I am ordering the immediate severing of diplomatic relations with France, Germany , and Russia. Thanks for all your help, comrades.  We are retiring from NATO as well.  Bonne chance, mes amies.

I have instructed the Mayor of New York City to begin towing the many UN diplomatic vehicles located in Manhattan with more than three unpaid parking tickets to sites where those vehicles will be stripped, shredded and crushed.  I don’t care about whatever treaty pertains to this. You creeps have tens of thousands of unpaid tickets. Pay those tickets tomorrow or watch your precious Benzes, Beamers and limos be turned over to some of the finest chop shops in the world.  By the way, I love New York.

A special note to our neighbors: Canada is on list #2. Since we are likely to be seeing a lot more of each other, you folks might want to try not pissing us off for a change.  Mexico is also on list #2.  Its president and his entire corrupt government really need an attitude adjustment.  With the withdrawal from Iraq I will have a couple extra thousand tanks and infantry divisions sitting around. Guess where I am going to put ’em? Yep, border security.

Oh, by the way, the United States is abrogating the NAFTA treaty – starting now.

We are tired of the one-way highway.  Immediately, we’ll be drilling for oil in Alaska, which will take care of this country’s oil needs for decades to come.  If you’re an environmentalist who opposes this decision, I refer you to list #2 above: pick a country and move there.

It is time for America to focus on its own welfare and its own citizens. Some will accuse us of isolationism I answer them by saying, ‘darn tootin.’  Nearly a century of trying to help folks live a decent life around the world has only earned us the undying enmity of just about everyone on the planet. It is time to eliminate hunger in America.  It is time to eliminate homelessness in America.  It is time for us to take care of OUR #1 concern, OUR home . . . America.

To the nations on list #1, a final thought:  Thank you. We owe you and promise we won’t forget.

To the nations on list #2, a final thought:  You might want to learn to speak Arabic.

God bless America …thank you and good night.

Oh, and one more thing – if you can read this, thank a teacher.  If you are reading it in English, thank a soldier.